To My Fellow Spinsters... May I Keep it a Buck?

I'm not married and that's why I feel qualified to tell you these things. Strong statement, I know, but I'm willing to bet that if you're ages 23-30 in the NYC Metro Area, all your married friends met their partner in college or settled. If they met their partner in college, great. They're an awesome couple with no idea what it's like to date as an adult. If they settled, they're victims of the copium epidemic. If they are the outliers, let me know what prayer they were doing and listen to them. If you don't know any outliers, listen to me. I'm not married for lack of proposal or interest, I'm not married because I'd rather be alone than let a man stress me out with his bad behavior. The quality of your love life isn’t measured by how many people chase you or how witty your text messages are. It’s determined by you, how well you know yourself, what you tolerate, and if you navigate relationships from a place of power rather than neediness. A fulfilling relationship isn’t about finding someone to complete you. It’s about showing up as someone who refuses to settle.

1. Develop a Strong Sense of Self

Was I in the top 15% of Magnetize Yourself listeners last year according to YouTube Recap, yes. As an avid student of magnetization, I share with you that magnetic women aren’t those who chase validation. They are the ones who know themselves inside and out. This means clarity about your values, quirks, boundaries, and non-negotiables. When you are grounded in your identity, you stop tolerating people who treat you like an option and start attracting those who treat you like a non-negotiable. The Universe cannot give you an awesome partner if you're not an awesome person…unless you're Karmic for that person, but that won't last anyway.

2. Make a List of What You Don’t Want

Instead of obsessing over what you think you want in a partner, make a list of what you will not accept. Chronic liars. Emotional unavailability. Gaslighting. Mark them off. When your brain is trained to reject the wrong energy, red flags become impossible to miss. Ironically, this clarity often leads you straight to the kind of relationship you actually want.

3. Get Comfortable Being Alone

Too often, women treat companionship as a need rather than a choice. When it is a need, desperation sneaks in, lowering standards and sabotaging happiness. Learn to enjoy your own company. Travel solo, dine solo, binge-watch your favorite show solo. When you genuinely relish your own presence, relationships become a luxury rather than a lifeline. You no longer settle for someone just to fill a void. You’ll accept only someone who complements your already full life. My anxiety these days is not that someone WILL leave, it's that they WON’T ever leave me alone. When you have a full life on your own, it's so much easier to recognize whether or not someone's presence is complimentary to yours. 

4. Treat Men Like a Peer, Not a Parent

I don't believe there's a man on this planet you won't have to discipline when you pick him up from the street. However, the method of discipline is important. So many women make the mistake of mollycoddling their man because they don't want to be harsh or upsetting. This doesn't work. You're not their mommy, you are their peer in life and they need to know that. When you interact with men as a peer, you engage from equality rather than authority. You are not there to manage or teach them like a parent. Instead, you hold mutual expectations, respect boundaries, and communicate clearly. Both of you are responsible for showing up, being accountable, and contributing to a healthy relationship. This approach naturally fosters respect, collaboration, and shared growth rather than power struggles or one-sided effort. When I discipline a man, I have a formula. 

1. “I am not happy with _____.”

2. “The options are: We breakup or you change it”

3. “No. Stop deflecting, make your own time to talk about your upsets. I'm talking about mine right now.” 

4. “Take accountability and apologize or we aren't moving forward” 

5. “What will you do to make this up to me?” 

I do my best not to deviate from this because if I do, the lesson will not be learned. It's clear, firm, and concise. No sweet reassurances like mommy. 

5. Be Real With Yourself About Where You’re At 

This is the hardest for me to say to my fellow woman. I, in all honesty, believe women should get to have whatever they want whenever they want it. Unfortunately, if you are straight, you have been tasked with one of life’s toughest battles; loving straight men. Straight men are boring, simple-minded, and regressed. They tend to be visual creatures and unlike us, aren't evolved enough to get past lack of physical attraction. Ladies, with love, you have to shoot in your league if you want to get on the court. I so often hear my friends lamenting about not finding a man they find attractive, not upkeeping themselves, and expecting to bag a total hunk. It can happen, yes, but it's not likely to happen enough for you to not destroy your self-esteem in the waiting process. Be real with yourself about your league and you will be happier. When you are attracted to yourself, you will attract people who are attracted to you.  

All this to say, a better love life isn’t about luck, charm, or endless swiping. It is about becoming someone who refuses to settle, knows herself deeply, and navigates relationships from a position of clarity and self-respect. The right partner often shows up after you have done the work of making yourself irreplaceable in your own life.

Relationships aren’t about completion. They are about elevation. The real question isn’t who will love you. The question is how fully can you love yourself while expecting respect, honesty, and shared growth from the people you let in.