This morning, Dani asked me if I experience “limerence”. I actually wasn't certain that I knew what the word meant, so I double checked it. Limerence: a state of intense often involuntary romantic attachment to a person who does not reciprocate the feelings and that is often characterized by excessive preoccupation and obsessive behaviors The involuntary nature of the connection is key: The experience of limerence is similar to addiction and other compulsive behaviors. … Yo

“Iman! You are____.” Is one of the most annoying sentences to me. Yesterday, in traffic on Canal street, at 10:50 something PM, I snatched my phone from Dani to respond to a voice note from Brittyn where she claimed that I am “icked out when a guy likes me back”. Dani, knowing how “icked out” I am by people projecting their ideas of me onto me instead of listening to me, smiled and shook her head. “I don't know why she keeps doing that… one, the stuff she says is never corre

I've been playing around on my phone. I don't usually do that, but I’m trying it out. I worry that my stories exist in a bubble and want to be a more well-rounded creator. I don't think it's possible if I don't interact with people outside of my bubble. It's been interesting… I'm responding to 5 different men not including Omar and Adnan. Those two are not included because they exist within my bubble. The 5 men playing on my phone are being studied. They are deviations from m

“I guess it's like how I want a nose job and I don't ever actually do it.” I giggled on Omar’s couch. He smiled and shook his head, making his curls flop around. “You don't need to do that.” He replied gently. In an effort not to get into a back and forth with him where he tries to make me feel better because that's what he’s supposed to do, I said “your nose looks like a nose job”. When Omar moves his face, it's more animated than you would expect a man with his vibe to b

Brittyn- Vanilla Ice Iman- Gucci Mane Aaliyah- Ice Spice Plot: The girls announce who they are and how they’re so excited people like being Iced Out again. The 00s are back! They go to the rally and give speeches about how it’s so goo to Ice Out. Ice Ice Baby plays. They accidentally support and endorse a govt take down. Gucci Mane: I just got this flyer…ICE OUT RALLY. A celebration all about me…Gucci Mane. Brrrr! Vanilla Ice: ME TOO! Don't' forget Vanilla Ice! Ice out! I l

There aren't many studies on the Autistic mind, so I cannot say with certainty that MB1 contains something that keeps Autistic people awake, but I believe that MB1 has been keeping me awake the past 4 days. I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night since I began taking it. So, today, I was exhausted. We also had two big K Pop Demon Hunters events today at the same time. I knew that when I agreed to an 8:50 pm movie though. I wanted to see him regardless. We’ve been talking on

I usually don't ignore people because it takes a lot of effort for me to do it. I'm not naturally forgetful and when I know there's a task that I haven’t completed, it gives me a lot of anxiety. I usually respond as soon as I see something because of that. The only people I don't respond to consistently are people that text me like I'm their journal. I see not responding to someone or ignoring them as out of character for me because of this. However, the past few months have

“I'm not going to that party if you invite her” I frowned at Brittyn while the E Train barreled us towards Queens. “GIRL! She's my coworker, I can't uninvite her.” She groaned. I rolled my eyes and slumped down into my seat. “I'm not gonna dance with her then and I'm not gonna talk to her and neither will the rest of us” Brittyn put her palm in her face and winced. “Girl I know. I didn't realize she was racist… well I don't know for sure if she's fully racist.” I rolled m

I'd be scared of people knowing what I say and do too! "Your cousin doesn't want to speak to you about what she's been doing to you because she's afraid you'll write about it" I cannot relate to that, it actually sounds like foolishness to me. I fantasize about the things I do and say being heard by others because I only do things I'm proud of. I know that's not the norm for people, I was uniquely gifted the opportunity to feel this way about my actions because my mother used

I think “Deja Vu” is one of the few Beyoncé songs that I really love. It's fun, it has a funky instrumental, and the performance for it is always so cool. I usually only see “Deja Vu”, written out when I type it into Apple Music. However, this week, someone sent me that phrase twice. They told me that I give them a strange sense of “Deja Vu”. I don’t know how to say that he's not the only person that feels that way about me without making him less unsettled, so as usual, I'm

“You cannot give adults consequences! They aren't children” my mother pleaded with me on the phone as I explained to her that there must always be consequences for misbehavior if change is to occur for the 1000th time. I genuinely do not understand where my mother got the idea that consequences are not an important part of human societal construct. I'm not sure if it's copium on her part because she doesn't like that I uphold strong boundaries for bad actors or if it's that

It all started with Sailor Moon for me, really. My mother once took away my privilege to watch that show because there was a kissing scene in it between Usagi and Mamoru, but I was allowed to watch it again when I turned 13. I think I wouldn't have been as affected by the love story if I'd watched first as a child, but instead, I watched it as a: Religious Autistic Uncool Sheltered Bookworm Socially awkward Theater doing Chess club joining Anxious Slightly asexual Clo

Be honest with yourself, so you can be honest with me...this season of Bridgerton is lacking the foot kicking romance we all watch for. There are a lot of reasons why, but the biggest is that Benedict Bridgerton is the guy your friends have to push you to give a chance to while hunching over your phone, pivoting it from side to side, and pleasing with you to believe he just doesn't photograph well. (They're doing this because you need to get over your last relationship. I was

Today I sat with my Great Uncle in hospice. Without hesitation, I boarded a train with my cousin (his grandson), missed the premiere of a movie I am in, and made my way to Maryland to be with him on one of his final days. In my memory, I have never not done that. I have always found myself by the side of my dying elderly relatives. To me, it is part of my regular life. To be there for their transitions. I notice though, to others, the normalcy of it for me is out of the ordin

Somehow, despite being a multitime history award winner, I am just now learning about the Carpathia. The ship that melted its own boilers in an unimaginable effort to reach the Titanic as quickly as possible while it sank. This ship was the first responder to the Titanic SOS. It was four hours away from the Titanic, it had a top speed of 14 knots, it had to navigate the same ice field that sank the Titanic, and the anticipated journey to it was supposed to be four hours. Yet

An ego is a terrible thing to let get in your way. Today I was driving back from yet another K-Pop Demon Hunters party. Thank God for the K-Pop Demon Hunters parties. I'm looking forward to inviting everyone to my housewarming. Thanks to the K-pop. Demon hunters parties. I was talking to the K-Pop Demon Hunters group for today. Daniela (not to be confused with Dani), Nina, and Yiran. We had a 53 minute drive back from the party and we were itching to fail the Bechtdal test.

Unlike many people in the Jersey City and NYC, I'm qualified to tell you who does a great manicure because I'm from South Florida. We are serious about beauty in South Florida. No boring "clean girl" aesthetic, no monochrome, no slick backs; in South Florida, we do Diva. In Jersey City and NYC, beauty providers that provide for Divas are are to find. I was looking for a nail tech that had it all: •appointments •a private or semi private space •lots of experience doing intr

For most of my life, my strategy was silence. Not the peaceful kind. The kind where you slowly back out of the room without saying goodbye, hoping no one notices the shape you leave behind. I called it self preservation. I called it maturity. I told myself that not reacting was the same as being evolved. But really, I was ghosting my own life. Recently, something shifted. I stopped vanishing and started speaking. I learned that one of my aunts had belittled my experience of b

When my friends tell me they have IBS, I often wonder “would they have IBS if their boyfriend wasn't such a loser?”. I am a regular pooper, but I also have no soft spot in my heart for people who mistreat me. So, I'm not often in guy wrenching emotional turmoil. Everyone that I know that has developed IBS, is soft for people that are junk food for the soul. Friends, boyfriends, and family members. What they don't give a class in at college is that bowel movements are not rand

If I have ever liked you, you'd best to believe you're super odd. Like super odd. You are some combination of the following: Super offputting despite really trying to interact with people You have very few friends You have an unconventional job/ lifestyle You are weirdly fixated on something You are super soft inside You are desperate to be seen You are particular You are bossy You are moody You are desperate to understand normal people You are strikingly beautiful