Some People Are So Cooked That They Mistake Decency for Love

Another day, another afterwork cocktail with Dani. Blessings. I cannot complain. I cannot complain about the quality of my life at least because it's awesome. I work every day with one of my best friends for only 90 min a day, I own a successful business, I'm surrounded by loving friends and family, I have a condo on top of the PATH, and I'm one of God's favorite people. Literally it's crazy how good it is and I attribute that good fortune to being a quality person. I truly see that life has returned the love I put into the world to me. I don't live in fear of revenge or retribution because I right my wrongs and make a conscious effort to only act in ways I'm proud of. Other people do not. Other people treat people around them in ways they don't want to be treated and spend their days wallowing in self-pity because they won't change their shit behavior.

The first person I experienced this with in my adulthood was actually $@719. He would literally be taken aback by my empathy and kindness. I one time offered him something from Costco and he got super worried that I was falling in love with him. At that point in our interactions, I was actually falling into deep resentment for him because he so blatantly could not control himself in any capacity and it made me distrust him. He was right to think I loved him, but he thought it for the wrong reasons. I loved him because in another life, his soul must have been in a more competent vessel that knew mine. In this life, he wasn't so blessed and I actually find him absolutely disappointing. I would offer to pick something up from Costco for someone I met yesterday if I knew it might make them happy.

The second person was this former independent contractor at my business. Somehow and for some reason, she believed me to be good friends with her. We never spoke about anything other than work really. We never hung out outside of work. Not even like an after work dinner or bev. I was just kind to her on a decent human level. I would ask her about her day, be aware of her upcoming life moments, and celebrate her when applicable. Then, one day, she fell on the way to work. Not at work, but on the way. And even if it did happen at work, she's an independent contractor not covered by any insurance other than her own. She felt heavily victimized by the fact that I wouldn't cover her copay out of pocket (she had personal insurance), so she created a slew of disparaging videos where she repeatedly warned the dangers of becoming "close friends with your employer". My jaw was slack because truly I didn't even have this woman on my Instagram "Close Friends" story.

I have plenty of these stories, but I'll stop at these two soasnot to ramble on. These two people, our unsubs, share a few things in common: bad taste in friends and partners, lonely school experiences, and feelings of neglect and overcorrection from their parents. All of these things led to poor judgement of character due todesperationfor interaction and acceptance. They both likely turned a blind eye to "red flags" in the past in an effort to uphold the relationship and eventually were burned badly multiple times. These people are actually the same age, mid thirties. So, after a while, instead of learning to judge character better, they hermited. They indulge in self-pity and distrust of all, leaving them fiending for kindness and teeming with paranoia. Ripe for misplaced thoughts and feelings when faced with a genuinely kind person. When people like this meet a kind person, it triggers their brain into a delusional state. Both of these people put a lot of pressure on me. I was "the only thing that doesn't stress ($@719) out". I was "very close" to my former independent contractor. I was on apedestalin their minds. So, all of my actions held so much weight. An offer from Costco, a kind sentiment, anything that the average person wouldn't offer them became huge and metaphorical. I won't diagnose anyone with BPD, but there are signs here. Okay? Okay! I think BPD is the mental illness of both Mi and Zilennials. It's far more common than it is diagnosed. We grew up in a crazy time. People with BPD also often fall in with narcissists in their early adulthood, that's who breaks them up and leaves them in the state I found these two.

What's the solution? I'm not quite qualified to say and unlike that crazy woman that wrote "Let Them" I won't pretend to be. I'm just thinking about all this and what it means to me. How it affects me and how I can better manage it when it happens. It's happening like once every 6 months these days. I've said to Adnan several times over the past few months that he should just only spend time around people that genuinely like him, but he doesn't even seem to know what that would look like. I think all of them have no idea what it would look like to surround themselves with people that actually appreciate them. Perhaps they're a lost cause.