Mez and Iman's Little Chat

I'm article farming today. That's what Matthew would call it. I'm trying to come up with things to write on my dating blog as someone who doesn't date.

We have resorted to eating our horses- Alexander Hamilton; "Hamilton"

I was sitting on my couch today thinking "I should really have gotten a rishta or something" and it came to me that I probably am not the only person that thinks this. I also owe an article about the difficulty of dating in NYC to a certain speed dating company (my work comes first), so I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone.

I called up the eligible Brown bachelors that don't hate me and asked them all five questions.

1. Do you still use dating apps?

2. Do you consider yourself a cool and interesting person?

3. How old are you?

4. Would you consider a rishta/ arranged marriage?

5. Why are you single?

I'll save most of the answers for the article I owe, but I am too intrigued by Mez's answers to not discuss them here.

If you don't recall, Mez has been around forever. He's also from Florida, he's very smart, and he is remarkably empathetic and accountable. Mez has willingly apologized and accounted for every time he's upset me without pushback or struggle. He's a very chill guy. He's never been weird to me. He's never ignored me. He's dedicated himself to extreme self-improvement exercises that yeilded results. He's successful financially, he's a good height, he's funny, handsome, and charming. The only argument I ever got into with him was about the fact that he would not want a prenup if he got married while I thought a prenup -less marriage was a stupid idea. He resented my lack of romance. I think even that says a lot about him.

His answers were

1. Long time since apps, because he's been busy

2. No! You told you used to think I was dumb. Mhm, I think I'm pretty cool.

3. Don't put my age in this. You can say I'm in my early 30s

4. HELL NO. Write it in all caps too

5. Because I'm busy

Busy, busy, busy. I found those answers interesting from him. He's always been busy. I struggle to believe his reason to back away from saying is "busy". So, I asked him another question.

I said to him "you're a very accountable person and a very empathetic person, do you struggle to find someone in alignment with that?"

He paused and replied "what have I done that makes you know I'm accountable?"

"You always initiate conversations about making things right when I'm upset and apologize for the things you did wrong with humility" I replied.

I could hear him smiling. He doesn't give himself a lot of compliments, so they mean a lot to him. "Yeah, I do struggle to find people that treat me the way I treat them." He admitted.

"Busy" doesn't not translate to "I don't find people that treat me well" in any dictionary I know. However, I'm sure he hadn't thought of it that way until I asked. I feel very similarly to him. I often attribute this feeling to neurodivergence, but I think that's actually not even fair. You don't have to be neurodivergent to learn Barney basics like "treat people with kindness and empathy." Yet, so many struggle to do it. Why?

I think it has to do with bad parenting and lack of desire for self-improvement. Mez and I share in a relentless pursuit of improvement. I wonder though, in a world of people fighting uphill battles to stay the same, is there anyone that could really treat us with the kindness we give them?