I Am Trying to Continue This Being a Dating Blog

The problem is, I'm not dating. I've been seeing Ranger for like a year and a half, he's not my boyfriend anymore (that's a whole ordeal to tell you), but I only see him. I, in all honesty, am not very focused on my love life anymore. I am focused on saving myself from whatever demonic entity lives in my mind that forced me to absolutely crash out because I saw this guy I used to see's plate and silverware on my FYP. I am cursed with this memory. Other people wouldn't even put it together before they scrolled past it, but not me. Even more insane was that I wasn't jealous and it didn't make me miss him; I was furious that the plates in his home that I had claimed were covered in pre-cooked freezer food. THE HORROR. This girl was disgracing my his plates with PRE COOKED FREEZER FOOD. I am still in shambles about it. That's why I'm really focusing on my improvement, on ousting this demon from my mind. No one, not even Ranger, will be safe until I am rid of it. My father calls it "Royette", the female version of what he named his own persona when angered, "Roy". I've only seen "Roy" once, on the 4th of July like 10 years ago when my brother tried to fight my father and my father threw him across the room. He had it coming though. My father really has it under control. I usually do too, but boy oh boy does Royette hate feeling romantically vulnerable. So, I am working on it. No dating related content on my end. However, a hot new mystery brown bombshell from South Florida has entered the villa. My good friend, Ella. So, much like Carrie Bradshaw did in Sex and the City, my friends will be becoming my meal ticket.

Ella, knowing I am trying to buy a multifamily home in Jersey City within a year, made certain to update me on the latest on Jed, the trust fund baby bartender she's started seeing.a few weeks ago.

"I know I shouldn't go because he's asking me so last minute, but I look cute anyway..." Ella pondered to me as she looked at herself in the mirror in the employee lounge.

I took a look at her cream coloured slacks, matching turtle neck, and brown beaded belt before saying "You have to eat anyway. It's not like you have to get ready and it's not like you're taking him seriously. Go!"

She shruggd and shook out her shaggy black bob. I raised my eyebrows at her. Decided, she turned on her heel, pushed her red oval framed glasses up, and grabbed her purse. I followed.

"Can I come by to freshen up? I wanna use your Shark"

"Of course! I'm making dinner for me and Ranger, so I'm going straight home." I replied.

One dry shampoo and blow dryer touch up, a Mexican dinner for two, a Summer's Eve wipe, and 3 hours later; I received the trophy of Ella's conquest: a video of Jed's bedroom sent to me via Instagram. His bedroom was a reflection of him. Stickers, unframed posters, dreary bedsheet, and seemingly never cleaned by him though periodically cleaned by either his mother or hired help.

Me: You're in his parents's house??

Ella: Girl 💀

Ella: Yeah. His room at his parent's house

Me: Lmaooooo

Some men are husbands, others short term boyfriends, and then some men exist in our lives to be available. Those men are also always the ones that deem themselves the most important to us. We like them, but there's something keeping them from being seriously considered. For me and many women I know, the "something" is usually his finances. That's the case for Jed too. Handsome as all hell, tall, and charming; Jed has everything, but a big boy job and his own place to live. It's hard to feel serious about or fall in love with a guy like that if you've got a good head on your shoulders. So, when Ella exclaimed "I have got to tell you what Jed said!" today in the car, I was on the edge of my seat.

"So, I get locked out of my house while I'm doing laundry. I call the super. He says he's coming. I'm like 'okay great'. I go finish my laundry and I text Jed asking if he wants to hang out. He says 'yes'. I'm like 'cool'. I tell him what's going on with the key and then he hits me with- you know what! Let me pull it up so I can read it to you."

I didn't care that I was parked on the fire lane on Columbus and Grove, I needed to know what Jed said. So, I threw on my hazards, took my hands off the steering wheel, and settled in.

Ella's long black manicure clicked satisfyingly against the phone screen as she scrolled, adding to the drama of it all. Finally she found it. She shifted in her seat, pushed back her hair, and looked at me before she began to read.

"Hey, I just want to be clear. I'm not looking for anything serious right now. I want things to be casual. I don't want to hurt you or lead you on."

I was glad I parked because I was livid. "Is he stupid?" I shouted. "First off! It's bad enough that you're locked out, not he's trying to make it out like you're obsessed with him or something? What a freak!"

Ella shook her hands and said "I KNOW! He's just assuming he's leading me on? And yeah like why then?"

"Right! How rude of him to act like you like him more than he likes you. We were literally sitting here deciding he's a booty call last week and he thinks he's leading you on? You're leading him on! What an idiot!" I fumed.

We went back and forth for a while trying to decide what to do with him. Eventually we decided that he unfortunately needed to be punished. That he needed to learn who the real playa is. So, we plotted a soft launch using another guy Ella has been seeing. What is wrong with these dudes? Later in the story, Ella shared that she not only went over to his parents place, but also met his sister and had breakfast with her after. Completely uncasual behavior. I once called someone a "snide and surreptitious monogamist". Meaning that he was pretending to be detached and casual, but was actually not that guy. He was a man who'd had his heart broken too much and was desperately trying to avoid it happening again. He was a lover boy that wanted to settle down. These types are everywhere in NYC. They're also almost always New York natives. Male transplants such and have no soul. The true love match is South Florida (Dade, Broward, Palm Beach Counties) to NYC pipeline girl and NY native boy. It just works. The only issue is that we South Florida natives are a little bit country and a lotta bad. They fall in love with us because we're the most open and honest thing they've ever seen. We're openly loving, assertive, and real with them and since no one has ever been that way towards them, they think we're in love because they've actually begun to fall in love with us. They, out of fear, throw out a casual title that would make these northern girls get obsessed. However, we SFL girlies are backed by community and sisterhood, so lack of interest disgusts us. It backfires. All because Mr NYC couldn't accept his rightful place as a lover boy. All of this went through my head as Ella continued on about Jed.

"Why is he even saying this? We've only gone on like 3 dates" Ella rolled her eyes.

I tapped my temple and said "this is gonna sound crazy, but hear me out. He's obsessed with you."

"THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO!"

I nodded "yes, so it's unfortunate that he needs to be punished for this"