Be a Good Boy and Use Your Words

There was a time when romance lived in the voice. Before dating apps and swipe culture and endless group chats flattened the nuances of communication, there was intention in how men spoke to the women they desired. A softness. A warmth. A clear separation between the way they spoke to friends and the way they spoke to someone they were genuinely drawn to.

Somewhere along the way, that art faded. Today, many women are left interacting with men who speak to them with the same energy they use to talk to their friends, their coworkers, or their gaming consoles. The result is a strange emotional drought where women feel less courted and more… included. Inclusion is not romance.

Romance requires intention.

Romance requires tone.

Romance requires a man to understand how to use his voice like a tool, not like background noise.

This is the skill that has quietly eroded.

Today, I'm dedicated to figuring out why.

Modern Men Have Lost Touch With Romantic Tone

In my experience at least. 9/10 men that think they're "rizzing" me, are total flops in the tone department. I once had Ranger watch "Babygirl" with me and he actually laughed at every dialogue moment that he should have been taking notes on. He's not alone in this, I watch so many men either slip into becoming a kind of "gay best friend" to their romantic partner or a "bro" to them. I think this stems from not developing a stable sense of self before partnering. You don't know who you are in a relationship, so you either become your girlfriend or transform your girlfriend into your guy friends. Developing a tone for yourself in a romantic manner is part of developing a sense of self in romantic settings. When we talk about tone, we are talking about two completely different layers that work together.

There is language tone, which is the emotional intention behind a man’s word choice and the way he strings his sentences. Then there is actual vocal tone, which is the softness, pace, depth, and warmth in his physical voice.

Both of these used to be instinctive for men who were romantically invested. They naturally deepened their voice, slowed their speech, and chose words with more intention when speaking to a woman they admired.

"That's no way to talk to a lady" stems from men taking a different tone to soften themselves around women.

Today, many men use one tone for everything. They speak to a woman they are trying to date the same way they speak to the cashier or their group chat. Everything is delivered with a rushed cadence, a casual flatness, and a complete absence of emotional intention.

This lack of tonal differentiation makes women feel like they are engaging with someone who is emotionally asleep at the wheel.

Romantic tone is not theatrical.

It is not fabricated.

It is simply presence.

The ability to signal through your voice that this conversation matters more than the others. That this relationship is deeper because you intend to share bodily fluids with this person.

Romantic Speech Should Make a Woman Feel Desired, Not Just Observed

Many men today believe they are being romantic simply by offering compliments. But compliments are not the same as desire.

A compliment notices.

Romantic speech focuses.

When a man says, “You look nice,” he is being polite. My grandma thinks I look nice too. He'd say that to the receptionist at his doctor's office if she changed her hairstyle. It's not enough!

When he says, “You look good,” he is being general. Good how? What's it to you?

However, when he takes a moment, lets his attention settle on her, and says, “You look stunning tonight and I was not prepared for that,” she feels it in her body. Not because the words are poetic, but because the tone and intention behind the words are charged with genuine desire.

Women want to feel:

Seen with intentional focus

Chosen as a specific woman, not an interchangeable one

Desired in a way that reflects the man’s unique attraction to her

Appreciated for the qualities that stand out to him and only him

Romance is not in the line itself, but in the energy that carries it.

When a man fails to infuse his speech with this sense of emotional presence, women feel the absence immediately. They feel generic. They feel unchosen. They feel like any other woman could be in their place, and the conversation would sound exactly the same.

Romantic speech must differentiate her from everyone else.

Too Many Men Speak to Women the Same Way They Speak to Friends

This is the greatest tragedy of modern dating.

When a man cannot shift his tone, he cannot shift his emotional register. This means the woman he is romantically interested in ends up receiving the same communication style as the men in his social circle.

There is no gentleness.

No softening.

No warmth.

No slowing down to create emotional space.

Just the same quick, clipped, casual rhythm he uses when talking about sports or memes or whatever he and his friends joke about in passing.

When a man greets the woman he desires with the same tone he uses to say “Yo” to his friend, what he is really communicating is: I do not see you differently enough to shift my energy.

Whether he realizes it or not, that message dismantles romance.

There must be a separation between friend speech and romantic speech.

Not a performance.

Not an exaggeration.

Just an intentional shift.

This is what creates emotional contrast. Without that contrast, romance cannot breathe.

The Real Issue: Emotional Disconnection Masquerading as Normalcy

Many men today are emotionally disconnected without realizing it. They tell themselves, “This is just how I talk.” But often, this “just how I talk” pattern is actually a reluctance to be vulnerable.

A man who fears vulnerability hides behind neutral tone.

A man who fears intimacy hides behind casual language.

A man who fears emotional exposure hides behind monotone delivery.

Romantic tone requires emotional truth. It requires a man to allow something warm and tender to slip into his voice. It requires the risk of being misunderstood or appearing more emotionally invested than he intended to reveal.

It requires showing interest without the protective sarcasm or ironic detachment that modern men love to lean on.

Women feel the difference immediately.

Neutral tone feels safe to him.

Neutral tone feels cold to her.

This emotional misalignment has become one of the great communication breakdowns in contemporary dating.

Relearning Romance Requires Presence, Not Performance

I am, of course, more passionate about the importance of this than some because I am an avid Romance reader and watcher. I am asking for a bended knee, breathless, tortured, obsession. However, most woman are not asking for men to become poets or movie stars. They are not asking for dramatic speeches or meticulously rehearsed lines. What women want is simple: presence.

To speak romantically, a man must:

Slow down enough to become intentional

Choose words that reflect genuine feeling

Let warmth enter his voice

Let admiration be audible

Make her feel like she is engaging with the man, not the general public version of him

Romance is simply the art of directing emotional energy with purpose.

When a man relearns how to use tone, how to use voice, and how to use language with intention, everything changes. Women open up. Conversations deepen. Attraction becomes multidimensional. The emotional experience becomes richer and more rewarding for both people.

Why This Matters for Modern Dating

It may seem like I'm putting a lot of responsibility on men here. I understand that women have to respond a certain way for both parties to feel comfortable. However, women exist with the stigma of unrequited love in a way that men don't. It is endlessly more damaging to a woman's reputation and ego to emotionally output without reciprocation. We are stereotyeped as "crazy", "delusional", and "unstable" when we wear our hearts on our sleeve. This can negatively effect our credibility professionally and socially. When do it, it's what's expected of them and any woman that's not grateful is a "bitch". Also men are dangerously strong compared to us and often kill us for both desiring them and not desiring them? So, you have to convince the woman she's safe to open up to you. Her actions will be a reflection of yours.

We live in a time where people are exhausted by surface level connection. Women in particular are weary of interactions that feel lukewarm, transactional, or emotionally flat.

The men who understand romance today stand out brilliantly. Not because they are doing anything grand, but because they are doing what so few men take the time to do. They speak with intention. They differentiate the woman they desire from everyone else. They communicate with feeling rather than autopilot.

Most women will not remember every word you say. ( I will and they will haunt you) However, she will remember how she felt when you said them. So, take the steps to make serious man of yourself and learn how to use your Big Boy Words.