Am I Scary? At 5'3, I've Really Got You Quaking?

I asked an ex of mine if I was "really that bad" a couple weeks ago. He responded:

"😂😂😂"

"Depends on what you mean by 'bad'"

I said:

"Difficult to be with..."

"I don't know, mean?"

He responded:

"You're incredibly difficult to be with and you're very mean when you're disappointed. Well-not to women. To men. You were mean to me and $@719 at the same damn time. Like in all my years I never thought I'd be getting toyed with like that by a 23 year old girl. I was worried about hurting you and you're running game on me? I saw the way you were talking to $@719 every time I went through your phone. You were so mean that I felt bad for the dude you were texting behind my back. Like that's how mean you can be! You're mean to your baba when he doesn't do what you want him to. You're not nice to men."

I am working on not immediately arguing back. I am working on listening. I am a good listener. :D So, I'd didn't respond for a while. I didn't respond for 4 whole minutes. I just absorbed all of the evil things he said about me instead of crawling through the phone to go smack him around with a shoe. I didn't even think about smacking him around with a shoe for the whole 4 minutes. I think I only thought about smacking him for 2 minutes or less. The rest of the time, I really tried to hear him. After hearing him for a while, I came up with a fabulous, grown up response. I said:

"If you hated me so much, why'd you date me all that time?"

He responded with a gif of a cat getting sprayed with a water bottle. :( Then he said:

"Try again, you've had two years to grow up a little. Let me see some progress."

I wanted to say something rude, but I didn't want to seem immature, so I got myself together and said:

"What were the redeeming qualities that kept you around?"

He "loved" that message and said:

"You're not mean for no reason. You're just meaner then other people. I deserved it, your baba deserved it. $@719 definitely deserved it, I'm not ever gonna hold you. But most people wouldn't respond the way you do. Most women would rather just try to keep a man. You don't care about that. You'd like being alone. So you're mad mean."

I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

"What kept me around was knowing it was my fault. 97% of the time you're the most amazing person to be around. You're thoughtful, talented, helpful, silly, you're perfect. That 3% of the time though, it's gut wrenching. It's like having the rug pulled out from under you. I felt like my world was collapsing when you were pissed at me."

That confused me. Why does it matter so much to anyone if I'm upset? "World collapsing" is so melodramatic. I replied:

"It's not like I bullied you!"

He put a laugh emoji on it and said:

"No, but you made me realize how inadequate I am to you. I realized that you only get upset when you're disappointed. When you feel like someone isn't doing what they should be. It made me feel sick to realize that you weren't seeing what I was trying to say because you felt like my actions weren't lining up. Because I wasn't able to meet your expectations."

I send a: 🙇🏽‍♀️

He laugh reacted:

"You know, the meanest thing, the thing that hurt me the most was when you'd be honest about the way you perceived us. How we were 'perfect friends that won't go anywhere'. Iman that was so mean, I loved you. But I get it's that you felt like I was acting like a friend. Idk, I'd never felt like that."

I laugh about this. How I weed out lesser suitors with my language. I'm starting to wonder if I should be a little more patient.