Adnan Shivrani is Like if a Woman Was a Man

Adnan Shivrani is handsome 

Adnan Shivrani is self assured 

Adnan Shivrani is autistic 

Adnan Shivrani is rich for a 27 year old 

Adnan Shivrani is a shit tester 

Adnan Shivrani reads people's texts when he sits next to them on the subway

Adnan Shivrani is completely secure about what I write about him because he's proud of who he is 

Adnan Shivrani is just like me and that makes me horribly afraid of him. 

I was talking to Andie yesterday. We were having brunch at Uncle Momo and she asked me how I felt about the “date” I went on with him. “Date”  is a strong word for spending 80% of the night practicing skin to skin contact in my bed. Whateva. I told her that I feel nervous, skeptical, and like a little girl around him.

 “What? Why?” She asked me. 

I slumped all the way down in my chair, self-conscious about what I was about to say. Begrudgingly, I explained “he is just as intelligent as I am, he is autistic too, he is educated similarly to me, and he's a little fucking player.” 

Andie looked at me as if to say “and so are you?” So I continued on. “I usually date himbos! You know? Men are kinda dumb even when they're smart. Adnan is knowledgeable. He actually knows some things that I don't. Quite a few things that I don't. He reads books…not just the self-help, red pill books; real books! He had corn rows in when I saw him. With little beads. He appreciates music and slowness and is intentional. Things men should never be! He is dangerous!” 

Andie, also carrying the cross of neurodivergence completely understood. “That's crazy! Most men can't even carry a conversation the way that you and I are. They couldn't even tell you a fun fact! They just go to work, go on Reddit, and go home.” 

We shared a look of mutual awareness that our conversation was controversial before deciding that we didn't care and continuing. 

“I know!” I replied. “They're so stupid. Adnan isn't and that scares me. I don't know if I can do it. I might end up crashing out. He can't look like that, act like that, and think that way. It's sick. He's like if a woman was a man.”

Andie and I talked and talked and talked, but no solution as to what to do with Adnan was reached. Have I become my uncles who date stupid women because it's too much trouble to be challenged?. I write to you wondering about that. Can I really not handle a man that can match wits with me? Am I so lazy? So afraid to grow? No! I am going to face Adnan and if he makes me crash out then so be it! He's just a man. 

Perhaps these thoughts aren't entirely fair to the men I've dated. They are stupid, they just don't have Asperger's  high functioning autism. Most everyone I know from k-12 has either autism or another neurodivergency that makes us  quicker and more capable than neurotypicals. I am doing my best not to sit in my Eric Lehnsherr energy regarding neurotypicality, but it's not easy to deal with. They aren't stupid, but they are awfully slow and particularly helpless. Despite that, I try every day to be less like Eric Lehnsherr and more like Charles Xavier about all that. Neurotypicals are friends!