I'm Unpacking Why I Am Addicted to “Enemies to Lovers”, “Forced Proximity”, and “Fated Mate” Storylines, So You Don’t Have To

It all started with Sailor Moon for me, really. My mother once took away my privilege to watch that show because there was a kissing scene in it between Usagi and Mamoru, but I was allowed to watch it again when I turned 13.

I think I wouldn't have been as affected by the love story if I'd watched first as a child, but instead, I watched it as a: 

• Religious 

• Autistic 

• Uncool 

• Sheltered 

• Bookworm

• Socially awkward 

• Theater doing

• Chess club joining

• Anxious 

• Slightly asexual 

• Closed off 

• Middle schooler 

So, I was just the right candidate to decide that having a fated mate, who becomes my enemy due to misunderstandings, and is often in forced proximity to me, was an awesome situation to be in. It allows the characters no responsibility for having to look for love themselves, time to process their feelings during the enemies period, and a situation that forces them back together without any real effort from the characters. It's the kind of zero-effort romantic relationship I didn't know I needed until I watched Sailor Moon at 13. 

“What is a ‘Fated Mate’ ?” You might be wondering if you're not down the rabbit holes I am. 

Fated mates are two individuals who are destined by destiny, prophecy, or a supernatural bond to be together, creating an intense, often irresistible connection that transcends mere attraction, common in paranormal romance where they might be werewolves, shifters, fae, or other fantastical beings. This trope features an undeniable pull, an instant recognition, and a powerful spiritual/physical bond that often involves overcoming obstacles, internal conflict, or even initial resistance to fulfill their predetermined union. 

Key Characteristics 

• Destiny/Prophecy: Their pairing is often foretold or guided by a higher power (like a Moon Goddess in werewolf lore).

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

• Intense Connection: They experience an immediate and powerful spiritual, emotional, and physical bond, sometimes with a scent or touch trigger.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

• Inescapable Pull: The relationship feels inevitable, with forces drawing them together despite logic or personal desires.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

• Conflict & Growth: Characters often fight against their fate or inner demons, creating dramatic tension and forcing them to grow to become worthy of each other.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Okay, now that you know, here is what my mean therapist has to say about why I like this trope. 

She says “Iman, have you ever thought that you are so averse to putting yourself out there and trusting someone, that the only way you can stomach doing it is if loving the person is literally out of your control ?” 

That's what she said and she certainly felt smart while saying it. As if I hadn't already come up with that on my own, but didn't want to say it out loud. She was correct though, that is what draws me. The idea that God will pick out the right person for me and make it so clear to me that we are right for each other that I don't have to worry about whether or not I can trust my own judgement. You can't pick the wrong man if the Fates choose him for you!

I often feel I cannot trust my judgement because I am autistic. I often cannot tell who likes or dislikes me and it is a tremendous effort for me to decipher where I stand with romantic partners. Sometimes, even after all that effort, my deductions are wrong. So, I am nervous to act at all. I wish we lived in a world where people just told each other exactly how they feel with carefully chosen words and perhaps a dictionary for reference while they do it, but we don't. I believe more that  I'll get a fated mate than I believe that a straight man living in the United States will clearly communicate his feelings to me. 

Enemies to lovers is self-explanatory. However, there are endless ways for it happen. There's: 

• Lovers to enemies to lovers (my favorite) 

• Enemies due to rivalries to lovers that heal the rivalry 

• One hates the other and views them as an enemy, but the other is nuetral because they are withholding positive feelings to lovers 

Truly the possibilities are endless and so exciting because pretty much all of them give Y/N time to work through the initial strong feelings they once perceived as negative without destroying their romantic relationship with the love interest. I reaaaalllyy need that because I have a habit of perceiving my crushes as people I don't like. 

“How does that happen Iman? How do you end up thinking you hate your crushes?” 

Great question. It happens because my initial reactions to intense feelings are the same regardless of being positive or negative feelings. When I really like someone. Not when I choose to like someone, but when I have an immediate reaction to someone  that is completely out of my control, I act super weird. The first time I meet them, it's fine for the most part…it's fine until I get away from them and realize they've inspired a strong reaction in me. From there on, I am a total freak. I begin to get defensive, rebuff them, recoil at their touch, and rewrite their identity to comfort myself. 

“Why?” You ask because you behave similarly. 

Because liking them is overstimulating and you haven't yet adapted to the way their energy affects you. Truly I've actually never even treated someone I dislike deeply in the way I treat a man I have a crush on. I'm much more chill around my enemies. 🫠I'm working on this very hard using exposure therapy, but it is difficult because I'm rarely exposed to men I've had this reaction to. They all blocked my number because I couldn't get through it fast enough to not totally break their spirits. Womp womp womp. We’ve now come full circle though because now you see why I need  “lovers to enemies to lovers”. That's the only way I think I could get enough processing time to get myself together and act normal for someone I like in that way. 

Are all these tropes just very attractive to neurodivergent people? 

Forced Proximity is found in nearly every single one of my maladaptive daydreams and much of my writing. It is necessary for me because I cannot imagine a world where I would willingly place myself in front of a love interest that I've now put through Fated Mate meeting and Lovers to Enemies without it being forced on me. I literally could not physically make myself do it. I struggle to even text these people. I think this one could use some light explaining too: 

Forced Proximity is when characters are put in a situation where they have to spend time together... even if they don’t want to.

They’re stuck. Trapped. Contractually obligated. Snowed in. Assigned as partners. Sharing one hotel room. Handcuffed. Assigned as fake dates. You get the idea.

They can’t run from each other… so they start feeling things.

 It eliminates avoidance (no ghosting, no “I’ll just ignore my feelings”)

It accelerates intimacy

It creates built-in tension

It forces vulnerability

It gives us micro-moments (brushing hands, accidental eye contact, breathing too close)

It is quite literally my dream date. “It’s Not That Bad”, my one shot turned novel, gives Forced Proximity by way of our enemies being paired together on a dance card.  There are tons of ways to do it that just beautifully take away all the responsibility of the main characters to overcome anxiety on their own and have an adult conversation. I think if you're avoidant this is a great trope for you. I wouldn't self-report as an avoidant because I actually am pretty confrontational until an avoidant makes me feel weird by being avoidant. Because of all the aforementioned weird feelings I get when I have a crazy crush, avoidance from that person makes me mirror their behavior. I'm already so embarrassed about how deeply I feel, being ignored puts me at my 13th reason. So, now we’re both avoidant and the most realistic situation imaginable for a rekindling is Forced Proximity. 

I know this whole thing is talking about how I, Iman, feel about these tropes, but I think I'm just like you and you're just me. We are going through the same sh*t and I think you'll relate. If you don't, now you learned something about neurodivergent people who I am kind of like the Lorax for.