I Don’t Decode Mixed Signals. I Delete Them.

There is a certain cultural myth we keep recycling about romance: that being “hard to get” creates mystery, allure, and emotional magnetism. That the best way to catch someone’s interest is to withhold your own. However, for me, someone with a quiet, steady, secure attachment, this is not seductive. It’s not intriguing. It’s the ultimate turn off.

Why? When you’re securely attached, distance doesn’t read as depth. It reads as disinterest. And unlike people who chase crumbs hoping they eventually turn into a meal, I don’t have the wiring or the desire to romanticize emotional unavailability.

Let’s talk about why.

The Psychology Behind the “Hard to Get” Strategy

Playing hard to get works only when the other person has attachment wounds that get activated by inconsistency. It’s biology, not magic.

• If someone has an anxious attachment, they might feel a spike of longing when the person they want withdraws. Their nervous system interprets distance as a threat, so they pursue.

• If someone has an avoidant attachment, they often feel safest when others pull away, so the distance feels comfortable and familiar.

In both cases, “hard to get” creates a dance that feels intense, but not healthy.

But for someone with a secure attachment, none of that tension reads as attractive. Secure people aren’t wired to chase ambiguity or decode mixed signals. They expect clarity, openness, and reciprocity. They aren’t drawn to games because their nervous system isn’t soothed by chaos.

So when someone chooses distance, aloofness, or emotional stinginess as a “strategy,” all I see is: You aren’t available. You aren’t courageous enough to be genuine. You aren’t ready.

And that’s the fastest way to shut down any attraction I might have had.

Distance Isn’t Mysterios...It’s Unmotivating

I don’t want a person who sees connection as something to guard like a treasure. I want someone who treats connection like something worth building.

If you pull away on purpose…

If you wait three hours to text because someone told you that makes you more desirable…

If you hide your interest in hopes it makes me work harder…

All it does is tell me that you’re insecure in your own desirability.

Distance isn’t power. It’s fear dressed as strategy.

And when you’re secure, fear masquerading as confidence is one of the least attractive energies on the planet.

How Genuine Effort Reveals Someone’s Real Value

The only people who can create stable, rewarding partnerships are those willing to show up earnestly without the costume of indifference.

Earnestness is not weakness.

It’s skill.

It’s emotional intelligence.

It’s maturity.

To be earnest is to say:

• I know what I feel, and I’m not ashamed of it.

• I’m not withholding connection to manipulate the outcome.

• I understand that vulnerability is a prerequisite for love, not a liability.

A truly aligned partner meets you with presence, not performance. They communicate clearly. They let themselves feel enthusiasm. They don’t try to appear “rare” by being distant; they show they’re valuable by being consistent.

Earnestness builds trust. And trust builds everything else.

At the End of the Day: I Don’t Chase People Who Don’t Want to Be Caught

I don’t fall for people who hide behind games.

I don’t glamorize emotional unavailability.

I don’t confuse distance with depth.

Being hard to get only appeals to people who learned early on that love must be earned through anxiety, pursuit, or proving themselves. That’s not my story.

If you want to be with me, be with me.

If you don’t, that’s okay, but I won’t be convincing you.

My attachment is secure, my interest is sincere, and my energy is too precious to spend decoding someone else’s fear.

The greatest turn-on in the world is simple:

Someone who shows up. Clearly. Earnestly. Unapologetically.

Everything else is noise.