I Bet That Loser Gave You IBS

When my friends tell me they have IBS, I often wonder “would they have IBS if their boyfriend wasn't such a loser?”. I am a regular pooper, but I also have no soft spot in my heart for people who mistreat me. So, I'm not often in guy wrenching emotional turmoil. Everyone that I know that has developed IBS, is soft for people that are junk food for the soul. Friends, boyfriends, and family members. What they don't give a class in at college is that bowel movements are not random. They are not shy. They are not confused. They are observant. And according to science, psychology, and my own lived experience of suddenly becoming constipated the one time I let myself get emotionally invested in a man that “wasn't a great communicator,” your gut might actually know exactly what’s going on in your life before you do.

Let’s talk about it.

The Gut Is Not Just a Digestive System. It Is a Gossip.

Science calls it the gut–brain axis. I call it your internal group chat.

Your gut and your brain are in constant communication. They send messages back and forth all day long about stress, safety, trust, and whether or not the person you’re texting is emotionally available. The vagus nerve plays middleman. Your microbiome adds commentary. Hormones weigh in. Nothing is kept secret.

This is why stress can ruin your digestion. This is why anxiety can make you run to the bathroom. And this is why your body sometimes says, “We will not be processing this man.”

Over 90% of serotonin is produced in the gut. That’s your happy chemical. So if your gut is unhappy, blocked, inflamed, or confused, your mood is not going to be giving secure attachment.

Regular Bowel Movements Are a Sign of Inner Peace (Or at Least Decent Judgment)

When you’re having regular bowel movements, science suggests a few things are likely true.

Your nervous system is relatively calm.

Your microbiome is balanced.

Your stress levels are manageable.

Your body feels safe enough to let go.

And when your body feels safe, you tend to make better choices. You’re less reactive. Less anxious. Less likely to overanalyze a three-hour text delay. You communicate more clearly. You’re nicer to people. You’re nicer to yourself.

This does not mean people with regular bowel movements have perfect lives. It just means their body isn’t currently staging a protest.

Irregular Bowel Movements Are a Cry for Help (Sometimes From Your Relationship)

Now let’s discuss irregular bowel movements. Constipation. Diarrhea. The kind of digestive chaos that makes you Google “how long is too long.”

Research links irregular bowel habits to stress, anxiety, depression, nervous system dysregulation, and chronic emotional tension. Which makes sense. Your gut slows down or speeds up when it perceives a threat. And emotional threats count.

Which brings me to an uncomfortable but necessary truth.

Sometimes your irregular bowel movements are your boyfriend’s fault.

Not directly. He didn’t sneak into your kitchen and steal your fiber. But emotionally. Energetically. Nervously.

If you are dating someone who is inconsistent, unclear, emotionally unavailable, hot and cold, or spiritually confusing, your body may respond by saying, “We will not relax.” And if your body will not relax, your colon will not cooperate.

You cannot rest and digest while your intuition is pacing.

Your Gut Knows When You’re Betraying Yourself

One of the most consistent findings in gut-brain research is that chronic stress alters gut motility. And one of the most common sources of chronic stress is pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

Staying in relationships that require you to minimize yourself.

Accepting crumbs and calling it a meal.

Ignoring red flags because the chemistry is good.

Laughing things off that actually hurt.

Your brain might rationalize it. Your gut does not.

Your gut keeps receipts.

This is why some people feel physically better after breakups even when they’re emotionally sad. The body is relieved. The danger has passed. The system can exhale. Suddenly, the plumbing works again.

This Is Not About Shame. It’s About Information.

Irregular bowel movements do not mean you’re broken. They mean your body is communicating. And maybe it’s asking you to look at your stress levels. Or your boundaries. Or your relationship patterns. Or yes, possibly the man who texts “lol” instead of answering the question.

Regular bowel movements don’t mean your life is perfect. They mean you’re in enough alignment that your body trusts you.

And that’s the real takeaway.

Your gut is not judging you. It’s guiding you.

So the next time your digestion is off, instead of immediately blaming dairy, consider asking a deeper question.

“What am I tolerating that my body doesn’t agree with?”

Because sometimes healing starts with fiber.

And sometimes it starts with a breakup.

Either way, listen to your gut.

It has never lied to you.