Dani and Iman in the Corner of the Newport Mall Cheesecake Factory

Dani and I went shopping after work today. We are divas, what can I say? Really we went there because she was waiting for her cousins to meet her there around 9. Two hours into us waiting at the mall, they cancelled her. She, being like me, was very hurt by this. Dani and I share a certain lawfulness that's very important to us. Being treated the way we treat others. She would never cancel on her cousins an hour before and she found it hurtful that they did it to her knowing she'd been waiting for them for two hours. This sadness awakened the Eye of Sauron and it called us to its resting place outside of Middle Earth; The Cheesecake Factory.

The restrooms at the Newport Mall Cheesecake Factory were disgusting tonight, by the way. There was shit smeared on one of the toilet seats. Just so you know.

They sat us in the worst part of the restaurant, the corner behind the big, tall server station. So, we ended up being there for two and a half hours despite ordering one pasta to share and two diet cokes. Dani looked cute as always. She'd cut off her shag and returned to her signature pixie cut. She had on these super thin, black, rectangular glasses that looked particularly striking against her blush. They were so small though, that her long, wispy lashes peeked over the frame. She was wearing this big ,black, leather motorcycle jacket that she's been wearing since Fall began, bootcut jeans, and a black mock neck. I was wearing my dark wash horseshoe jeans and a black sweater. I hadn't quite put time in to dressing up today. I had a lot of work to do in the morning.

"I'm here to eat the bread." Dani announced as she retuerces from the bathroom.

I laughed. We both have hot moms, so bread is really a restaurant only thing. Bread in the house is a biiigggg "no,no" when you have a hot mom. The server took forever to check on us. When he finally came, he was very sweet though. We ordered the Four Cheese Pasta with chicken to share. One good thing about the Cheesecake Factory is that you only need one meal for two people :). As we waited 35 minutes for our pasta, we got onto the topic of our beutiful friends that decided to get back with their loser boyfriends. I won't name them here for fear of their loser boyfriends finding out and engaging in loser behavior because of it.

"I cannot imagine. I just can't imagine staying with someone like that." Dani vented.

"Same, like it was hard for me to breakup with Ranger and hard for you to break up with Octavio because they at least had things going for them! They don't even have the self-respect to leave guys that have nothing going for them." I exasperated.

"I think it's like...self-hate. They let these guys treat them like this because they hate themselves" Dani pondered.

"Yeah, I think so too. Like I love myself, sometimes I think maybe too much, but whatever. I love to spend time with myself, I love to look at myself, I love to just be around me. I think though that some people hate themselves and it makes them not want to be alone." I replied.

"Mhmmm!" Dani agreed. "To me, if I guy doesn't like me the way I like myself, it's the biggest turn off. And I don't think that there's something wrong with me if he doesn't like me. I think there's something wrong with him! Because who wouldn't like me?"

I raised my hands up in agreement. "Exactly! Like anyone who doesn't like me is weird!"

Dani nodded. "Right! I'm funny, I'm pretty, I'm cool, and I'm smart. When a guy doesn't call me after a date, I know it's that he thinks he's not good enough."

"I think so too! Like this sounds so conceited, but I've worked really hard on myself and I'm proud of who I am." I added in.

"Same." Dani replied. "So, it's just sad to see people we love not love themselves the same way".

We were interrupted by our pasta right then, so the conversation dropped off. I got to thinking though and asked myself "Is it near impossible to be loved if you're not willing to be disrespected?" Dani and I both maintain these strong boundaries for lovers. We are steadfast in our commitment to preferring solitude over subpar partnership. Our friends that don't do this, are constantly in relationships. Back to back to back. They aren't particularly happy though, they just are constantly trying to convince us that they're happy by reciting how much they love their partners every time their partner does something unsavory. I struggle to even tell a man that I love him. I've pushed several wonderful prospects away because they moved weird one time and I never trusted them again. I can do that without fear because I am genuinely happy on my own. I love to go out and have a man's company, but I want them to go away after a while. They get on my nerves. They keep me from doing what I love most; spending time with myself. 🥰 To me, being with a man is already an inconvenience because it takes away from time spent with myself, so I think it very important that the man be worth the sacrifice. He needs to be fantastic. However, I love myself so much, that no man seems capable of earning as much love from me as I have for myself. How can they compete? If I loved myself less, would I be married already? I think so. I now know why Sue Sylvester married herself.

If you read my work, you know I have spent and continue to spend much energy on being more trusting and less guarded in my love life. Not friend-zoning men because they don't know to buy me jewelry and flowers, not bulldozing conversations on how they feel, and not shouting mean things at them when I don't like what they're saying. I'm really doing my best and I think I've come a long way. I ask myself now though "am I helicopter parenting myself?" , "are Dani and I both helicopter parenting ourselves?"

hel·i·cop·ter par·ent

/ˈheləˌkäptər ˌperənt/

nounINFORMAL

a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children.

By definition, Dani and I are both helicopter parenting ourselves. We are excessively interested in our lives and overprotective of ourselves. Is that so bad though? Yes. We are relationship Bubble Boys. Nobody can hurt us because we won't let them in the bubble until they've passed every safety test and sanitized properly. If they so much as cough, they're getting kicked out of the bubble. Should we change this, chat? What is the happy medium?